Every atom on this earth
aspires to reach its full potential.
Yet atoms will never be complete,
without forming that one special bond.
Noble gases are their ultimate goal-
Broken bonds of the past leave them weak.
Chlorine atoms are at first not weak,
Bonds seemingly limitless on earth.
Pursues lithim to reach the goal;
Failure to share destroys their potential.
Chlorine drifts to covalent, a similar bond.
Will bonds with an identical face leave chlorine complete?
Even the same atom won't compel chlorine complete.
Chlorine's efforts for its partner become weak.
Roams in circles in search of the bond-
left nowhere on this minuscule earth.
"Perhaps I'm not meant to fulfill my potential,
Maybe I shall give up on this hopeless goal."
Decides to persist, obsess over the goal.
Are boron, barium, or bismuth the elements that complete-
or do flourine and francium have the potential?
Alas, the bonds between them are weak.
There must be a bond for every element on Earth!
Continue to journey for the bond.
Desperation ensues for the bond,
Goes through all categories to grasp the goal.
Must be an undiscovered element deeper within earth,
as alkali metals and halogens too cannot complete.
All elements doomed to be weak
if chlorine lost its once firm potential.
Chlorine begins to wither without its potential-
Sodium suddenly appears, that one special bond.
Electric touch- chlorine no longer weak!
The one meant to help chlorine finally reach the goal,
together in harmony, they are complete.
Na and Cl finally link as they wander the earth.
Every element could find that deep bond on this earth,
though we may become weak until we are complete.
Trust in the potential to reach the distant goal.
Perfect Chemistry(original)
Every atom on this earth
aspires to reach its full potential.
Yet atoms will never be complete,
without forming that one special bond.
Noble gases are their ultimate goal-
Broken bonds of the past leave them weak.
Chlorine atoms are at first not weak,
Bonds seemingly limitless on earth.
Pursues lithim to reach the goal;
Failure to share destroys their potential.
Chlorine drifts to covalent, a similar bond.
Will bonds with an identical face leave chlorine complete?
Even the same atom won't compel chlorine complete.
Chlorine's efforts for its partner become weak.
Roams in circles in search of the bond-
left nowhere on this minuscule earth.
"Perhaps I'm not meant to fulfill my potential,
Maybe I shall give up on this hopeless goal."
Decides to persist, obsess over the goal.
Are boron, barium, or bismuth the elements that complete-
or do flourine and francium have the potential?
Alas, the bonds between them are weak.
There must be a bond for every element on Earth!
Continue to journey for the bond.
Desperation ensues for the bond,
Goes through all categories to grasp the goal.
Must be an undiscovered element deeper within earth,
as alkali metals and halogens too cannot complete.
All elements doomed to be weak
if chlorine lost its once firm potential.
Chlorine begins to wither without its potential-
Sodium suddenly appears, that one special bond.
Electric touch- chlorine no longer weak!
The one meant to help chlorine finally reach the goal,
together in harmony, they are complete.
Na and Cl finally link as they wander the earth.
Every element could find that deep bond on this earth,
though we may become weak until we are complete.
Trust in the potential to reach the distant goal.
Perfect Chemistry(original)
Every atom on this earth
aspires to reach its full potential.
But atoms will never be complete,
without forming that one special bond.
Noble gases are what they desire to be,
but broken bonds of the past leave them weak.
Chlorine atoms do not begin weak-
its bonds seemingly limitless on this earth.
Pursues lithium at first to reach the final goal,
but they fail to share and lose their original potential.
Chlorine shifts to covalent, in hopes of finding a more similar bond.
Would bonding with an identical atom leave chlorine complete?
Yet even the same atom cannot compel chlorine to be complete,
chlorine's efforts to find its partner become weak.
Roams in circles in search of that unique bond-
is it nowhere to be found on this minuscule earth?
"Perhaps I'm not meant to fulfill my potential,
Maybe I should give up on this hopeless goal."
Decides to persist and obsess over the goal.
Are boron, barium, or bismuth the elements needed to complete-
or do flourine and francium have the potential?
The bonds between them prove to be weak.
There must be a match for every element on earth!
Continue to journey for the bond.
Desperation ensues for the bond,
chlorine tries almost every category to grasp the goal.
There must be an element undiscovered that lies deeper within earth,
as alkali earth metals and halogens fail to make chlorine complete.
Every element must be doomed to be weak,
if chlorine no longer has its once strong potential.
As chlorine begins to wither due to no more potential,
Sodium suddenly appears; that one special bond.
Electric touch- chlorine no longer weak!
It's the one meant to help chlorine finally reach its goal,
together in harmony, they are both complete.
Na and Cl are finally linked as they wander the earth.
We see that every element can find that deep bond on this earth,
though we may become weak until we are finally complete.
Believe in the potential to reach the distant goal.
The "Salt Sestina"! I love it! I've never read anything quite like this poem, and I found it fascinating. I first read this through without checking the details of the form, just for the pleasure of the lines, and I was cheered that the poem sticks with initial premise and remains resolutely technical and scientific, even as it presents a romantic love story about the formation of salt as a molecule.
ReplyDeleteThen I read for form. I noticed that to keep with the form, line three of stanza two should end with the word, "be," not "goal." But then I noticed that the rest of the poem fits with the word "goal," so the solution would seem to be to revise line five of stanza one to end with the word "goal." Then you will have a sestina.
The other thing I would do is edit further, trying to streamline your prose and cut clutter words. For example, "are finally linked" can be "finally link" and "to be found" can simply be "left." This will make the poem more direct, lean, and effective.
I really loved your idea here, and this is a largely successful iteration of a very challenging form. I would love it if you emailed me a revision of this (or just linked me to it here at your blog) when you feel the poem is finished. I'm thinking about using it for our class blog. Can you do this for me and remind me of this when you email me?
(One other little thing--line five contains a typo with the word, "gasses.")
I have a hard time understanding why I am the only person to comment on this intriguing poem. Have people been commenting on your other poems?
ReplyDeleteI have a hard time understanding why I am the only person to comment on this intriguing poem. Have people been commenting on your other poems?
ReplyDeleteThis poem is so good! At first I didn't fully understand it because I don't know chemistry but when reading it I realized that you wrote it in an understandable way and I was relieved! You use a lot of good descriptive verbs such as "pursues, compels, wither and persist." The only critique I have is to delete the clutter words. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI like the way you use chemical bonds to write profoundly about human connection and love, in an indirect way!
ReplyDeleteMaybe change "Chlorine atoms are at first not weak," to something like "Chlorine atoms don't start out weak"? I think that might flow better, as it is it sounds a bit awkward.
I might also change "seemingly" to "seem" -- same meaning, but again, less awkward